Category Archives: Parenting

Katy Faust is My New Hero and Role Model

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marriage equality debate

“If I have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal” – 1 Corinthians 13:1

From the get go, I intended to steer clear of politics in this blog. But I want to share a video today that I hope will be inspiring to people of any political stripe. I think Katy Faust is a breath of fresh air, and her perspective has very much to do with families and, specifically, children. So I hope you feel my decision to share this is appropriate. Katy is certainly an inspiration to me.

Because life is all about love.

And speaking of love, that’s the theme of my soon-to-be-released book, Bear Island. I had hoped to release it in April, but I’ve simply had too much on my plate. It won’t be long though – I’m starting the very last watercolor illustration today.

Here is a rough shot of the illustration that I finished last night
bedtime storyBut back to Katy Faust.
This post is going out the day after oral arguments were made at the Supreme Court regarding same sex marriage. Anticipating this, several weeks ago, Katy submitted a letter to the court, entitled, Dear Justice Kennedy: An Open Letter from the Child of a Loving Gay Parent. I felt Katy’s contribution was brilliant, articulate, insightful, and compassionate.

Katy is uniquely positioned to speak to the subject as a person who was raised by her mother and her mother’s long-term female partner. She openly loves her mom and credits her with being an exceptional parent. Yet as Katy came of age and had children of her own, as she watched her own husband within their family dynamic, the complementary and irreplaceable role of both a mom and dad in child-rearing became increasingly clear to her. Looking back on her own childhood, despite the love and care that surrounded her, she couldn’t deny that she had a longing for her mom and dad to love each other, and her, under one roof as a family, as all children do.

Katy now contends that “children are the reason government has any stake in this discussion at all.” She disagrees with the “wrongful message that all children need is two stable loving adults, which is statistically not the case.” She states, “When a child is placed in a same-sex-headed household, she will miss out on at least one critical parental relationship and a vital dual-gender influence. The nature of the adults’ union guarantees this.” Katy continues:

Like most Americans, I am for adults having the freedom to live as they please. I unequivocally oppose criminalizing gay relationships. But defining marriage correctly criminalizes nothing. And the government’s interest in marriage is about the children that only male-female relationships can produce. Redefining marriage redefines parenthood. It moves us well beyond our “live and let live” philosophy into the land where our society promotes a family structure where children will always suffer loss.
(From Dear Justice Kennedy.)

What is especially inspiring about Katy is the love she has for the gay community, and her willingness to reach out to people who consider her an enemy. To me she embodies the biblical admonition to speak the truth in love. I’m not talking about loving merely with thoughts or words, but with her time and actions. You’ll have to listen to the video to see what I mean.

Regardless of what the Supreme Court decides, Katy’s example will remain relevant to the church. The church as a whole hasn’t been very good at loving its gay neighbor, and yet, loving people is supposed to be the distinguishing mark of who we are and what we do. Whether or not the “marriage equality” movement actually believes their own accusations, what is most often said about opponents of the redefining of marriage is that they are hateful. Stated. Every. Single. Day. I don’t believe it’s true, but somehow they’re not feeling the love. We need to get better at this.

I stumbled across the following Youtube video of a TV show that I’d never heard of, interviewing Katy Faust. It’s 25 minutes long, but if you care about this issue, I think it’s definitely worth watching.

I hope you are enjoying the springtime. Hopefully, my next post will be announcing a new book release!

Dad notes: Family Devotions?

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Homeschool Devotions
With the New Year, I’m guessing some of you may be resolving to do a better job at having family devotional times in 2015. I say this because when I was parenting small kids, this was an area that I often wondered about. The nature of my wondering had to do with how best to appeal to my children’s hearts.

I want to explain, but first, a disclaimer:
In this blog, I do not presume to be a parenting expert dispensing advice. However, Mollie and I found that one of the most helpful things for us when we were young parents raising small children was to hear the experiences of other parents. Hearing different perspectives helped us to think through things more carefully. Evangelical subculture can sometimes tend to feel a bit one-size-fits-all. Mollie and I found that some things that worked well with one child didn’t necessarily work with another. So we’ve tried to resist the urge to dogmatize our parenting practices.

Here’s the deal: I believe that following Jesus is the utmost adventure. Life in the kingdom, even in the mundane things in life, is deep, meaningful, and foremost. I’ve always hoped my kids would ultimately view the things of God in the same way, rather than viewing, let’s say Bible study, as an obligation.

So how do we impart passion for God to our kids?

Well, a lot of us view family devotions as one way to do this. But for my family, the times I tried this, I could see my kids’ eyes glazing over. And I don’t think the problem was my content or delivery. The problem, (if it’s even correct to call it that,) was my kids – they simply weren’t in the right frame of mind to want to hear it. It was too abstract for them. They weren’t emotionally engaged. I was trying to excite them from the outside.

We’re all aware that there is a school of thought that says this is only to be expected, and that we should push forward anyway. It’s a matter of discipline, and we push through because we know it’s good and right for them. They’re still receiving truth, and the Holy Spirit can use it in their lives even if it is at a later time. I think this is a legitimate way of thinking, and I’ll return to it in a moment.

However, as a dad, I opted for a different approach. It felt wrong to me to bore my kids with God’s revelation – the one thing in the world by which I wanted them to be inspired. So I opted for a 2 part plan: 1) Mollie and I would model a vibrant life of faith to them, and, 2) we would actively look for teachable moments with our kids, and take advantage of those moments.

By “teachable moments” I refer to times throughout the day when their hearts and minds were engaged with a question or problem. I felt that at these times their hearts were primed to receive spiritual instruction. Sometimes it was discussions around the dinner table about the day’s events. Sometimes it was conversations at bedtime. Sometimes it was in the heat of a moment of conflict or worry. Often these moments included praying with them, and praying for them or for a friend, on the spot. Always my aim was for them to feel the relevance of God in our lives in every situation. I was generally prepared to drop everything else when these moments came up.

A Parallel Example
I think the example of learning a musical instrument provides a parallel that clarifies the difference between these two approaches.

On the one hand, parents can take the approach of making a child take music lessons even when that child doesn’t want lessons, and it’s a fight to get them to practice. I have a friend whose mom made him practice violin for an hour everyday at 5:30 every morning, which he hated. Today he is grateful to her. He has played for the St. Louis Philharmonic, and plays violin everyday because he loves it. (But not, presumably, at 5:30 am.)

On the other hand, parents can take the approach of waiting until a child wants to learn an instrument, and the desire to do so is something the child owns. We’ve taken this approach with a couple of our teenagers. They’ve had a lot of catching up to do, but their hearts are in it, and it’s fun and exciting for them. It would be strange for us to remind them to practice because they’re self-motivated, and learning the instrument was their idea in the first place.

I honestly don’t know if one approach is better than another, though obviously I lean toward the latter. For years I’ve been asking accomplished musicians their opinions on the question and have gotten mixed answers.

Paying Attention to Your Child’s Heart
When it comes to raising up kids who are passionate for God, I have also seen mixed results. We all want the same things for our kids, but sometimes our efforts as parents do not produce the intended results. I have seen plenty of kids who were so burnt out on “spiritual disciplines” that they wanted to be done with God, the church, and the Bible as soon as they could leave home. For others, spiritual disciplines seem to have helped them hit the ground running when they left home as young adults.

I have heard some pastors urging parents to require their kids to regularly journal and memorize Bible verses. I approached these subjects with my kids as a suggestion, but I always felt that requiring these things of them would serve to make these things drudgery for them. I wanted them to do these things, but from the heart – not because I required it of them.

It is interesting having adult children who are now passionate about Jesus, because I can ask them about my parenting. They have confirmed that they would probably have resented being required to engage in spiritual disciplines that would’ve seemed dry to them at the time. Most are grateful that I didn’t make them regularly sit through “boring” family devotions, (although my oldest son did like them.)

Your experience may be different from mine. If so, that’s great! I’m elated that what you are doing is working for your family. My intent is not to be critical of the idea of family devotions. My hope in writing this is to encourage parents who may be struggling with feeling as though they are failing because their (formal) family devotional times are sporadic, or non-existent, or not working. Within the parameters of a Spirit-led life there is more than one way to have a home that is centered around Jesus. I’m inclined to think that serving others as a family would be more helpful for everyone involved than sitting around on the sofa talking about serving others.

The kingdom of God does not consist in talk but in power.

A Caveat
I can think of one context where the systemized impartation of biblical instruction makes sense to me, regardless of whether or not the child’s heart is in it: in a home school setting.

In this case, most of what he or she is learning is viewed by both parent and student as a requirement that must be carried out. It is school, after all. With our three oldest children, Mollie started off the school day with a devotional time, and memorizing verses was a part of their curriculum. We think this benefited those three. When we moved to Colorado, Mollie had to start working, and our youngest two did not receive this benefit. But with all five, I still believe the real work of discipling was and is done in the course of “real life.”

The guy who discipled me during my college years used to say, “More is caught than is taught.” I believe there is a lot of truth in that.

Finally, I’m firmly convinced that good, compelling stories are one of the best ways to impart a biblical worldview to young children – it’s the very reason I started Big Picture Publishing. The reason I think this is that stories engage the heart and emotions as well as the intellect, and that is when lasting impressions are made. Thank you for supporting me in this project as I support you.

Please feel free to share your experiences below, whether you agree or disagree with me. Your comments may be of help to other parents. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

A Creativity Game To Play With Your Kids

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DG covAs an artist, I am sometimes asked by parents about how they can foster creativity in their kids. Do I teach children’s art classes? Can I recommend a great art curriculum for home-schoolers?

Ironically, since my wife and I are both professional artists we may not be the best people to ask. Art was simply part of the environment within which our kids grew up, and we naturally incorporated the arts into life because that’s what we do. I would say as a general rule, though, parental enthusiasm plays a big role in fostering creativity. My wife and I both happen to love children’s art, and we did get pretty enthusiastic when our kids would create things we thought were cool. We hung a lot of it, and saved some of it.

Perhaps indicative of our enthusiasm was that our most entrepreneurial son used to try to sell his drawings to people who would come over to our house. I suppose because that’s what he saw me doing. (For a living, I mean. Don’t worry – if you come for a visit I won’t try to hard sell my art to you.) He would make little pictures of cellos (we don’t know why) and write “25 cents” at the top of the page. When people would come over he would show them, and ask them if they would like to buy one of his cello pictures. We like to think this was a reflection of our supportive parenting, rather than our poverty-level artist income.

When I was a kid, I was obviously artistically gifted, but my parents had no clue as to what to do with me. What they did right was encourage me, not only with their words, but also by making sure there was always plenty of paper and art supplies on hand. Even though my dad was a manly, blue-collar guy, he never gave me the impression that he thought I was an overly-sensitive, skinny, weird little artistic kid. (Even though I was.)

Looking back, I think what my parents could’ve done better was to provide some art materials other than the usual color pencils, which tend to be not very visually impactful and may be a bit tedious to use, depending upon a child’s personality. We usually supplied our kids with Crayola markers because of their bold and bright colors, especially when the kids were small. We would also let them paint, but this requires more time, supervision, and commitment, especially for parents who may not be as comfortable with paint.

Also, it might have been nice if my parents had exposed me to some fine art, but I think this was simply outside of their bandwidth. (Mostly I pored over my big brother’s Marvel comic books.) My third grade teacher, whom I did not particularly like, once got permission from my parents to come to my house and take me to the St. Louis Art Museum, which kind of freaked me out in general. Miss Cunningham. I suspect she must have been an art-lover. I now think this was a pretty amazing and outside-of-the-box thing for her to do.

A Simple Game to Play With Your Kids
Today I want to share with you a simple art game that I often played with my kids. We think we invented it, and we called it “The Drawing Game.” (Admittedly, not a terribly creative name for a game about creativity.)

It’s not much of a game, really. The main point is to think creatively and to make each other laugh. It is also a bit of a challenge to keep the game going, because it’s possible to shut the game down by limiting possibilities too soon. The game also teaches patience and forbearance in relationships because the other party will be taking something you’ve drawn and changing it, usually not in a way that you would’ve chosen. Kind of like in life.

I was reminded of the game in my previous post. You may recall that I quoted a researcher who said that over the past decade American children have become:
“…less humorous, less imaginative, less unconventional, less lively and passionate, less perceptive, less apt to connect seemingly irrelevant things, less synthesizing, and less likely to see things from a different angle.” The largest drop has been in the measure of “elaboration,” or the ability to take an idea and expand on it in a novel way…”

Well, The Drawing Game is all about thinking creatively, synthesizing, and expanding on an idea, just for the fun of it.

You will need:
A piece of paper
A pencil or marker
your kid or kids
yourself
your creative minds

How to play:

  • Someone starts off by drawing one simple shape, geometric or organic, on the page.
  • That player passes the page to the next person, who adds a new, simple element to the page.
  • The page is passed to the next person, who adds a new element. The page may be turned sidewise or upside-down to help in imagining new possibilities, and to keep the game going.
  • Continue on in this way as long as everyone is having fun, or until the page becomes too cluttered. Your kids can color the picture in when the game is over.

Rules of play:

  • No making fun of anyone’s lame drawing. The point is to enjoy each other, not make awesome art.
  • No obliterating anyone’s drawing. You can only change the drawing by adding to it, or changing the context. (For example the scene may suddenly become an underwater scene if someone adds a waterline.) If you feel you would like to cover part of someone’s contribution, ask their permission. Like in real life.
  • Be complimentary when someone draws a creative idea. Say things like, “That’s a great idea.”
  • If you have boys, you may want to place a limit on the number of times they can add blood or projectile vomiting to the drawing.

Example:
I asked my 17-year-old daughter if she would play with me, so that you could see an example of how the game is played. It was still fun.

I drew the circle first. I thought it might become a sun. Or Renee might have added a long string to it to turn it into a balloon. Or it might have become an eye on a giant face. Or the wheel of a car. Part of the fun is seeing how other people’s minds work, and watching the “story” develop.

Drawing Game-1
Below I show the subsequent stages without comment…

DG 2-3DG 4-5DG 6-8DG 9-11DG 12-14Let me know if you tried The Drawing Game, and if you and your kids enjoyed it!

 (Click the Book Store tab to order my new kids’ storybook, The Cocky Rooster.)

Dad Notes: The Safety Police

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Cowboys & Indians

The author as a politically incorrect child, apparently unable to choose a side.

I read an interesting article at the gym last weekend that resonated with me. Both the artist and the dad part of me liked it, mostly. My wife can tell you that for years I have railed against “the Safety Police.”

I don’t know exactly who the Safety Police are, but apparently they hold positions of influence, because pretty much every playground in America is now coated in rubber, and padded underneath.

The article was about fostering creativity, courage, self-confidence, and problem-solving skills in kids. Hanna Rosin, the author, contends that the current trend of parents scheduling every minute of their child’s lives with closely supervised activities is robbing them of the chance to explore and take risks in life. (See full article here.)

Her article is centered around a visit with her son to something called an “adventure playground” in Wales. Such playgrounds are designed to encourage a “free and permissive atmosphere” with a minimum of adult supervision from the trained adult staff. The idea is to allow kids to experience a sense of danger and risk, and to learn how to deal with these situations themselves. These playgrounds include an area with moveable elements such as tires and wooden shipping palettes. She describes another area where some kids were starting a fire in a metal drum. Part of the playground runs steeply down into a shallow creek, and includes a rope swing, which may or may not get you across.

Stay with me here. I’m not on a campaign to litter our playgrounds with glass shards. I just think it’s a worthwhile discussion.

Rope Swing

Dangerous…

I think of my own childhood, which included long, unsupervised hours away from my house and my parents, engaged in creative play. Admittedly, some of my activities with young friends were less than brilliant, but that’s kind of the point. We figured it out and lived to tell about it.

Sand Dune Natl Monument

…also dangerous.

I think of my own kids. How often – regularly, in fact – Mollie and I would be outside somewhere and we would hear the words “Hi Mom!” But these words would sound much farther away than they should’ve, especially coming from overhead. We would look skyward to find our second-born son high in a tree, as high as he could possibly go. (Higher than we were comfortable with.) Of course, as soon as his little brother grew old enough, he was right behind his big brother.

There’s no question that there was very real risk there. But it never seemed quite right to me to tell them, “YOU KIDS GET DOWN FROM THAT TREE RIGHT NOW!” even though Mollie and I wondered out loud to each other if all of our children would make it to adulthood. I guess I’m still not sure whether or not we should’ve forbidden extreme tree climbing. I do remember instructing them to make sure that they always had a firm grip on a strong branch so that they wouldn’t fall.

At one point in our downstairs bathroom, the bathtub contained one turtle, two large toads, and several garter snakes, all found in and around our inner-city yard. (The kids thought it was great that these animals couldn’t escape the tub. Eventually we released them when the bathroom started stinking.) None of these animals were dangerous, but I suppose it still seemed exciting to the kids since a certain percentage of the population is either freaked-out or grossed-out by such creatures. We did instruct the kids to always wash their hands after handling the reptiles because there is a real risk of contracting disease from the salmonella bacteria carried by reptiles.

Rosin quotes early childhood education professor, Ellen Sandseter. She has concluded that children have a sensory need to experience (perceived) danger and excitement. Sandseter has identified 6 categories of risky play, including exploring heights, and exploring on one’s own.

I have to think this must be true of a lot of kids, based on what I’ve seen in myself, in my own kids, in conversation with others, and in watching other families. And I don’t see any reason to ascribe this “need” to our sin nature.

Rosin also cites the research of Kyung-Hee Kim, an educational psychologist who has found that over the past decade American children have become:
“less emotionally expressive, less energetic, less talkative and verbally expressive, less humorous, less imaginative, less unconventional, less lively and passionate, less perceptive, less apt to connect seemingly irrelevant things, less synthesizing, and less likely to see things from a different angle.” The largest drop has been in the measure of “elaboration,” or the ability to take an idea and expand on it in a novel way. Practicing psychologists have also written about the unique identity crisis that this generation faces—a fear of growing up and, in the words of Brooke Donatone, a New York City–based therapist, an inability “to think for themselves.”

Given the context of the article, it seems that Rosin thinks over-protective parenting is the culprit.

What do you think? Are our children over-protected? How do/did you as a parent strike a balance between safety and controlled risk with you kids? How do you avoid being a “helicopter parent”?

At the recent release of my new kids’ book, THE COCKY ROOSTER, I described its underlying theme as “the need for young children to submit to their parent’s loving authority in a broken and sometimes dangerous world.” In my opinion, it is essential for loving parental authority to be in play first before we can responsibly allow our young kids the freedom to explore, and to have their own “lion and bear experiences.” Such experiences will prepare them to go out and face giants someday. But risk is always part of the picture. Even as adults, living a life in submission to God-given authority, and to God Himself, does not equate to a life free of risk. Being under right authority helps us to discern the difference between foolish and worthwhile risks (Prov 10:23.)

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences…

“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”
– C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

Long's Peak Summit

My daughter, Sierra, on the summit of Long’s Peak, elevation 14,259 ft.

Next time I’ll share with you a simple game my kids and I used to play, designed to foster “creativity, imagination, synthesizing, and elaboration.”

Grace and peace – Scott

New Book Release: The Cocky Rooster

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The Cocky Rooster, written and illustrated by Scott FreemanI’m pleased to announce that my first new kids’ book is ready to go!
Following is a brief introduction and some thoughts around the story.

The Cocky Rooster is a tale about a self-absorbed rooster who eventually has a change of heart. Its underlying theme is loving, parental authority.

In my experience as a parent, it has been unusual to find storybooks that portray God-given authority in a favorable light. Most moms and dads that I know recognize that parental rules and authority exist primarily for the safety and protection of their children and those with whom their children interact. This is simply a fundamental, good, and necessary part of everyday parenting. Even so, the message that our children will so often hear from the world is that authority is a tool used to control people, that it can’t be trusted, and that people should instead “follow their hearts.” This is reflective of a secularist worldview.

But if the human heart is already naturally inclined to be rebellious and selfish, urging small children to follow their hearts reinforces exactly the wrong idea. We might as well urge them to eat dessert first and only eat their vegetables if they feel like it. There is, arguably, a place for following one’s heart, but for young children, I think a true picture of God-given authority is the message that needs to be reinforced, because that’s the message that will otherwise go unheard.

I believe that, of course, as children grow older into adolescence, wise parents will give them increasing freedom, responsibility, and autonomy. But The Cocky Rooster is a picture book designed for children under 9 years old, to reinforce the idea of the need for loving parental guidance in a broken and sometimes dangerous world.

In a nutshell, the story tells the tale of a Rooster who lives on an urban farm, (possibly in your neighborhood!) He resents being cooped up in the henhouse with the hens every night. He wants to meet the nighttime animals and have his own adventures…
kids story books, The Cocky RoosterOne night he finds a way out, and has an adventure that he is ill-equipped to deal with on his own, resulting in consequences he couldn’t have foreseen.

Cocky Rooster, by Scott FreemanFollowing are a couple of consecutive page excerpts, so you can see the wording and watercolor by Scott Freemantypical page length:

“You’re not big enough to overcome the fox,” she said gently.

The rooster knew she was right. “I wanted to see the nighttime creatures,” he said to her.

“But you are not a wild creature like the nighttime animals. You need the protection of a farmer and a dog.” Again the rooster knew she was right. He now very much wanted to get back to the henhouse.

“I do want to return to my coop now,” said the rooster. “Will you help me to get back home safely?” The graceful deer promised to do the best she could. (pg 21)

The Cocky Rooster, p27Together, they carefully walked back through the neighborhood, watching closely for any sign of the fox. Soon they safely reached the urban farmer’s home, where everyone was fast asleep.

“This is where I live,” said the rooster, thanking his new friend.

Quietly, he slipped past Rufus’s doghouse where he could hear Rufus snoring. Soon he would be back in the coop where he would fall asleep to the sound of the snoring hens. (p23)

 

Unless otherwise stated, all books will be a typical 32 page storybook length, and 8 x 10 inches in size. I’ve made 3 options available to you:

> Ebook format – $4.95
> Paperback format – $14.95
> Hardback format – $18.95

For the release of this first title I’m offering FREE SHIPPING on orders inside the U.S.

You and your child can enjoy The Cocky Rooster, together, very soon – in fact, before bedtime tonight if you order the ebook now!

PURCHASE NOW

GIFT GIVING: If you are a grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher, or someone in a position of caring for young children in any capacity, please consider ordering a book for the kids in your care. Remember – a great storybook can be a great gift for a child who already has a humongous pile of toys and video games. A great story goes to the heart!

And speaking of gift giving, I should also mention that at this point I have no plans to sell these books in stores or on Amazon. The only way to get them will be from my Big Picture Publishing website BOOK STORE. This means that if you order my books as a gift, it’s almost certain that your little loved one won’t yet have a copy.

books for kids - The Cocky RoosterI hope you and your loved ones enjoy The Cocky Rooster. I can hardly wait to get started illustrating the next book – The Friendly City. Watch for it here!